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PostPosted: Mon Sep 08, 2008 4:38 pm 
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Dark, and good work, Az! I think you did a good job of capturing the swirling thought patterns of a clearly depressed young man struggling with alcoholism. The narrative imagery of the thought process alongside the "visual" imagery of his resigned struggle with himself made it feel real, and evoked feelings both of sorrow and of condescension, on my part, which in my opinion made it a worth-while read.

Keep it up!

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PostPosted: Tue Sep 09, 2008 2:22 am 
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Wow, backstory already on a brand new character. Sweet 8) I'm struck by the genuineness of the character you're developing. You've wisely tapped real life experiences for inspiration rather than falling for the typical, hackneyed comic book life stories of orphaned as a child, raised by ninjas, and out to take your revenge on the galaxy. Rather your character is just a normal dude, a bit more intelligent than average but still making bad choices, trying to find his place in the galaxy. Intriguing, especially because we can identify why him a lot better than a lone samurai Jedi warrior assassin for hire.


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PostPosted: Tue Sep 09, 2008 8:31 am 
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Good point General,
That's why my character is an ninja, raised by orphans.

Az loved the use of the reducing font size (at least until my astigmatism kicked in :wink: )

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PostPosted: Tue Sep 09, 2008 9:34 am 
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Piggy, that was genius!

As was the plot Az! I'd also like to comment on the verisimilitude of the character, or perhaps the rather cathartic (pun intended) visual emotions. However, I notice that these have already been complimented, so I shall have to fall back to the highest of all praise.

Nice Az, Nice!


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PostPosted: Tue Sep 09, 2008 2:01 pm 
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Voort saBinring wrote:
Good point General,
That's why my character is an ninja, raised by orphans.

<snorts milk out nose>


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PostPosted: Tue Sep 09, 2008 2:09 pm 
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Thank you kindly, folks! I'm glad to see that you all responded so positively to this- as much as anything else it's a bad situation in real life being vented. You're listening to teen angst and enjoying it- you all have successful careers ahead of you as psychiatrists! lol. Az is very much what I would be if I were just a bit more impulsive. I find that I routinely want to make bad decisions, but more than anything else I refrain from them because I know how society will react.

It brings us back to that age-old questions of which is worse-- doing the wrong thing for the right reasons, or doing the right thing for the wrong reasons? I still don't have an answer to that... and Az probably won't find one, either.

Edit: Okay, updated again. Expect some fast updates from me- this is being fueled by real life, after all, and oddly enough it seems to be a decent form of therapy. :roll:

Points to anyone who spotted the Easter Eggs in there. Extra points if you spotted the uber-hidden Easter Eggs and references to actual people in my area, because those are hidden under multiple layers, and you have to recognize a royal **** when you see one in order to know what I'm talking about.

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"Now Az has killed someone with his head." - Halley
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PostPosted: Tue Sep 09, 2008 11:13 pm 
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*peeks in from grad school land*

Backstory! Hooray backstory! (I wish I could formulate a more detailed and eloquent compliment to such a lavish back story, but my presentations are currently trying to steal my ability to provided critical/complimentary feedback, so I must feign ignorance to protect such things!)

Seriously though - I've really enjoyed both parts you've put up, Az. Very detailed, very deep. Also, the image of a screaming Zabrak in space is both amusing and disturbing. Very well done.

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PostPosted: Wed Sep 10, 2008 1:26 am 
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Az, you do a great job of making a story interesting, even with just one character talking to himself. And I think we've all had days like that.

~"This is my life! This isn't some story by some stupid barve from a hundred millennia ago writing the tales of Revan and Malek or something! There isn't a plot to what happens to me! Where's the damn foreshadowing so I can figure out what i need to do? Huh?" ~

Masterful. Once again separating your story from the trite masses.

~this is being fueled by real life, after all, and oddly enough it seems to be a decent form of therapy.~

Plot as therapy, aye? Yet another benefit of plotting. I do like injecting a little of my own life into my character, like Corran having to take on a new role as a leader (although I only lead a half-squadron in real life). It helps to verbalize (or put into written form) the issues you're dealing with in order to see them more clearly and work them out in your mind. In other words, examining your life through the prism of Plottage.


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PostPosted: Wed Sep 10, 2008 7:14 am 
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Azazel wrote:
It brings us back to that age-old questions of which is worse-- doing the wrong thing for the right reasons, or doing the right thing for the wrong reasons?


If I might take a moment to be pragmatic, pedantic and thouroughly 'un-fun' Given the stated options it is always best to do the right thing for the wrong reasons.

Case in point, Han Solo, who joined the fight against the Deathstar and vanquished Darth Vader, because he didn't want Luke to: "take all the credit and get all the reward."

The person in the SW universe who did the wrong thing for the right reason was Anakin in seeking to learn the ways of the Sith to save his wife Padme, and we all know how well that turned out.

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PostPosted: Wed Sep 10, 2008 7:17 am 
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General Corran Horn wrote:
Plot as therapy, aye? Yet another benefit of plotting.


Indeed! Was it not the former Wraith Ton Phanan who said:
"I have a terrible pain in my childhood memories?"

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PostPosted: Wed Sep 10, 2008 3:41 pm 
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Heh- but I'm still in my childhood... and I'd really rather not turn out like Ton. Plus it was Kell who used that line. Ton only regretted failing to come up with it in time.

... I should really go do something outside, now.

I'm finally draining the rage out of me, so this may start being updated slower... doesn't mean that I don't have strong feelings for the persons this is all based upon in both directions, but it does mean that I'm coming to terms with it.

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"Now Az has killed someone with his head." - Halley
"Y'know... if he wasn't a schizophrenic, murderous horned drunkard, I'd think Az needed a cuddle."- Face


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PostPosted: Thu Sep 11, 2008 1:14 am 
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Voort saBinring wrote:
Case in point, Han Solo, who joined the fight against the Deathstar and vanquished Darth Vader, because he didn't want Luke to: "take all the credit and get all the reward."

The person in the SW universe who did the wrong thing for the right reason was Anakin in seeking to learn the ways of the Sith to save his wife Padme, and we all know how well that turned out.
<Yoda voice> Wise you are, yes, mmmrrmmm...

Azazel wrote:
I'm finally draining the rage out of me, so this may start being updated slower...
Nooo! We need you to keep rolling out plots, one after another! Use your aggressive feelings, boy! Let the hate flow through you!

*cough* Ehem.

Disregard that, please. Glad to know you're doing better.


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PostPosted: Sat Sep 13, 2008 6:17 pm 
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Riiiiight. :wink: I'm glad this is well-received. I keep thinking, "Build a bridge and get over it already," and I finally am, but... well, there's still a lot of pent up stuff. Thus my departure from strictly Az to a new character.

Speaking of my new character- points to whoever can determine his last name and where I snagged him from. There are lots of little hints in there, from descriptions down to direct quotes... or paraphrases, at any rate. And Piggy isn't allowed to guess- he's already the resident scholar, he needs to let someone else have a go! :P

If you pay attention, you'll notice that I always throw in little Easter Eggs for folks to catch. For example: The "classic" that used the line "In space no one can hear me scream" was from "one thousand, nine hundred and seventy-eight years ago," I believe I wrote. Aliens, which had the catch phrase, "In space, no one can hear you scream," came out in 1978.

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"Y'know... if he wasn't a schizophrenic, murderous horned drunkard, I'd think Az needed a cuddle."- Face


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PostPosted: Sun Sep 14, 2008 12:41 am 
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Hehe, yes, I easily caught the reference. Nice blast from the past. And nice connection to your story. Just as long as you don't bring in Jerec and his excruciatingly annoying cast of cronies ;-)


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PostPosted: Sun Sep 14, 2008 3:12 am 
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Good continuation of the story! Yet again, the visuals are nice, and the feeling of exasperation and anguish is very clear. However, I'm just checking something quickly.

Morgan Katarn died in 0 ABY, so if Az is 18 in your plot, that means he's 35 in our current plot timeline (assuming that Az saw Katarn only a few weeks before he died). Plot 16 is about 17 years ABY.


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PostPosted: Sun Sep 14, 2008 10:13 am 
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... Oh, snap. This was supposed to take place about six years before Az's introduction into the plot. Well, fortunately I never actually gave Morgan or Kyle canonical last names, so I'm actually okay, there. Well, sort of, at least. And no worries- Jerec and co. aren't popping in... I never got what was so intimidating about a guy with male pattern baldness. :roll: He was a pain to beat, don't get me wrong, but come on- a Sith Lord who needs a toupee? Just shave your head already, save yourself some dignity, man!

And Boc really needed some acting lessons. Then again, so did... everyone in that game.

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"Now Az has killed someone with his head." - Halley
"Y'know... if he wasn't a schizophrenic, murderous horned drunkard, I'd think Az needed a cuddle."- Face


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PostPosted: Fri Sep 19, 2008 9:31 pm 
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Year... still failing to get the eff over it. What Az is dealing with is, more or less, in Star Wars context, what I'm dealing with. Only difference between us is that I own a car, not a speeder, I don't have horns, and I haven't taken a job with a shipping company to get away. I still live a development away from the bastard, and I still have to fight the urge not to sneak over and burn his house or something. And before you say, "Wrong idea," I know it's the wrong idea.... But I'm still thinking most of the crap Az is thinking.

Sort of brings us back to the "is it better to do the right thing for the wrong reasons or the wrong thing for the right reasons?" The real-life Jon has done the wrong thing for what he perceives as the right reasons, and the only reason I'm not taking revenge if because I know, on an analytical level, that it's wrong, that the law will catch me, that people will judge me, etc. I'm doing the right thing for all the wrong reasons- not because I don't believe in revenge, but because I don't want to get caught taking it.

If this were more ancient times... well, I'd have been holding a bloody rock over the head of a severely dead man two weeks ago.

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"Now Az has killed someone with his head." - Halley
"Y'know... if he wasn't a schizophrenic, murderous horned drunkard, I'd think Az needed a cuddle."- Face


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PostPosted: Sat Sep 20, 2008 3:11 am 
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Hehe, ya, I figured from the lengthy amount of detail in your story that it was taken very closely from your own life. It does make for some interesting reading, especially Az's conflict between wanting to forget it all and being unable to, although it would be good to see some sort of resolution or development that will move us beyond Az wallowing in misery an anger over his life.

But aside from what makes a good storyline or bad storyline, I'm just sorry to hear things are going so rough for you too. Hopefully you do have a great character like Morgan in your life to listen and give advice.

As for doing the right thing for the wrong reason, you're still doing the right thing, and that's more likely to have positive consequences in the end than doing the wrong thing, especially if doing the wrong thing is going to result in you doing something you'll regret for the rest of your life.


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PostPosted: Sat Sep 20, 2008 3:55 am 
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I kinda guessed that a lot of what was happening in Az's life is happening in yours. 'The names have been changed to protect the guilty' an' all that!

As your friendly neighbourhood Police Officer, I'll give some quick advice against rock bashing and house burning. You'll never get the blood or sooty smell out of your clothes.

The story line is certainly engaging, and fleshing out the backstory of Az. Since it's effectively YOUR backstory too, it makes it more vivid! Perhaps when you start plotting about Az's future, and how he turns from where he is, to a valuable member of the second-most-dangerous squadron in the galaxy (assuming he goes Rogue as opposed to Wraith ;)), it will help give you personal closure too.

To assist answering your question (and I'll admit that my opinion is probably biased because of my job!), doing the right thing is always the most important. Whilst someone’s opinion of the right thing might not be the same as yours, you have to realise (and maybe respect) their reasoning. Besides, Piggy’s example/arguement of Han and Anakin, and their various choices/reasons is very compelling! :)

Besides, as Yoda said, "always in motion is the future", the current situation is only a transitory state, and things will change later. No offence, but your feelings and thoughts certainly will. Something you've realised yourself by pointing out that two years ago, the most important thing in Az's life was his chemistry grade!

Keep up the good work, but as healthy as it is writing through your pain and grievances, sometimes escapism is just as healthy, and developing a character that is DIFFERENT from and has completely different problems helps to get your head in a clearer space.

Having said that, I'm enjoying the plot immensely!

:)


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PostPosted: Sat Sep 20, 2008 3:57 pm 
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Hehe... not to worry, Az is going to be different from me. As I said, he's a lot more impulsive, and he's traveling to get away from his problems. 'Course, he still has to come back to Iridonia every time he's finished with a delivery, so there'll be some conflict there... and Az is going to prove what would happen were I more impulsive.

Thing is, I know on a certain level that I'll get beyond this eventually... but it doesn't mean that it isn't important to me right now. I always viewed high school (or, in this case, Academy) relationships as rather pointless, since they couldn't last. Then- I dunno, I got lonely, or whatever- and my view changed. I started seeing them more like... okay, odd analogy- more like chewing gum. You pop a piece in, and you know that you get no nutritional value from it. But it makes your breath smell better, and while you know that eventually that flavor will go away and you'll be stuck with a bit of rubber in your mouth to chew on, that doesn't stop you from enjoying the flavor while it lasts.

Right, I really need to stop whining about this, I know. Next post should feature some more excitement, and while Az will still be dealing with his issues, I'll finally put a bit more than his issues in there. Other characters besides Morgan (Morgan represents what little remains of the rational part of my brain combined with some of my best friends, by the way) will be introduced, etc.

BTW: Anyone object to me putting some creative biology/sociology into play with regards to Zabracks? I'm sort of thinking that horns are the Zabrack equivalent of beards in the Darth Maul-esque horns cases... Except they grow on everyone. It's primarily guys who think that they're cool, but most guys trim them, keep 'em nice and neat and short to avoid issues with folks judging. But some let them grow out into something that looks like this: http://images3.wikia.nocookie.net/starw ... h_Maul.jpg

(Yes, that pic is of Darth Maul. It's non-canonical, supposedly taking place between eps. 3 and 4, and it's the most awesome picture on all of Wookiepedia)

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"Now Az has killed someone with his head." - Halley
"Y'know... if he wasn't a schizophrenic, murderous horned drunkard, I'd think Az needed a cuddle."- Face


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PostPosted: Sat Sep 20, 2008 5:12 pm 
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The Face wrote:
Besides, as Yoda said, "always in motion is the future", the current situation is only a transitory state, and things will change later. No offence, but your feelings and thoughts certainly will. Something you've realised yourself by pointing out that two years ago, the most important thing in Az's life was his chemistry grade!

Aye, as important as things may seem when you're 18 (and some of them really are important), once you get a little older and look back on them, you can see them from a different perspective. And you can see the bigger picture, how those events in your life and how you handled them made you into the person you are now.

The Face wrote:
Keep up the good work, but as healthy as it is writing through your pain and grievances, sometimes escapism is just as healthy, and developing a character that is DIFFERENT from and has completely different problems helps to get your head in a clearer space.

Aye to that too! And you get to fly spaceships.


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PostPosted: Sun Sep 21, 2008 6:42 am 
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Brief analysis of the writing: Dark and evocative.

Azazel wrote:
Only difference between us is that I own a car, not a speeder, I don't have horns, and I haven't taken a job with a shipping company to get away.


Again if I might... if you are still hung up on the girl you do very much have 'horns'.

Draw from that, whatever metaphoric allusion you care to.

They call the edge of a black hole the 'event horizon' for a reason. If you stand too close to what is happening, you will get sucked in.

From the 'certain point of view ' provided by my greatly advanced age (42) I'll toss out a bit of perspective I attained while contemplating the universe as extrapolated from a most delicious slice of fairy cake. Instead of debating if an action is right or wrong, justifiable or not, we should be asking whether the action is something that would cause regret in the future. Stated bluntly, don't do anything stupid, just because it 'feels' good.

Trust me when I say that most adults have to wade hip deep through a lot of crap to find the rare moments of joy. The easiest way to be happy for the rest of your life is to ingest an insane amount of heroin. If however you hope to live longer than that one fatal high, plan to encounter some disappointments along the way.

Also avoid dwelling on 'karmic retribution' scenarios. As the sayings go: "Your thoughts can betray you." and "Anger leads to the dark side" While it may be true that the dark side "has cookies", let me assure you, they are store brand lemon 'faux-reos' and more than likely stale at that.

In anything there are 3 possible outcomes: success, failure, or absolution.

To care about someone is healthy, to want to remove them from a bad situation is noble. To linger in the vicinity of the problem just to stir the pot so its uncomfortable for all involved, when it isn't presently possible to remove them from the bad situation, is beneficial to no one. Not you, not her, and it is not the way to make the old man come around to your way of thinking.

Consider:
If Azazel were to make it big with this shipping company (become his own successful boss) he might be able to approach Jon and offer to make an honest woman of her.

If Az makes a clean break and later hears that something bad has happened to her at Jon's hand (or by Jon's inaction) and this failure to protect her becomes a scar on his soul that never quit heals and messes up future relationships with MOAAGs* has the makings of a classic character flaw worthy of Greek tragedy.

*(Members Of An Agreeable Gender.)

Lastly he could walk away from a situation, "MOVE ALONG", "get on with life" or my personal favorite "come down off your cross, use the wood to build a bridge, and get over it", washing his hands of something he has no power over and offering the finality up to 'Faith' or the Force.

Unfortunately, reality has a terrible habit of mixing all of the three scenarios together resulting in, as one poet referred to it, "this thing called life" which is rarely totally satisfactory for any of the carbon-based life forms involved.

We often perceive the hand we are dealt in life either positively or negatively, based on nothing more than the wild variances of endorphins and depressants swirling about in our tiny primate brains at any one moment. Encouraging negative fantasies is no more healthy than baseless pie in the sky optimism, or praying vainly that it will all turn out all right in the end.

In the end all we can do is try to see ourselves as the hero of our own life story and face these trials knowing that while we may sometimes not accomplish our stated goals, it is up to us to determine if that means defeat. Sometimes obstacles are meant to be overcome, and sometimes they are there to guide us toward our true path.

If I had a Republi-credit for every female I thought I'd love forever, prior to meeting the one I joined in legal betrothal, I'd have spent those 2 Republi-credits decades ago on a cup of stimcaff, but there is still a sense of what might have been.

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PostPosted: Sat Sep 27, 2008 9:23 pm 
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Umm, yeah- fortunately I can say that I'm not doing nearly as bad as Az. Truth be told, it does still hurt when I pass the real-life her in the halls at school, and the real life Jon Ignavus was jerk enough to smirk at me when I briefly saw him at a football game, but I'm finally moving on, in part thanks to self-help books, in part thanks to finally opening up to folks that I actually know in real life, and in part because it's been three weeks already, and I can't really maintain being emo for that long, I don't think. Thank God.

Anyway, Az's story just keeps getting darker, though my own is getting brighter. So don't get over concerned- when Az starts to do stuff that he regrets in earnest, you'll understand why I tell you not to be concerned. Creative, effective, and tempting though the ideas may be (never piss of somebody who A) has taken AP Chemistry B) is taking AP Physics C) Knows how to build and is building a trebuchet D) knows how to make the ammo explode E) knows students at Yale who have already offered to act as your defense, Pro Bono, and bring friends as necessary F) knows where you live G) knows enough people to have an alibi in a heartbeat regardless of whether or not it's true), I'm not going to go down that road. Revenge winds up hurting you at least as much as the other person and all that- I'm finally able to say it and believe it... which is more than Az is going to be able to say in the future.

But yeah- I know I've not been much fun to listen to about this over the course of the past three weeks, both in real life and on the Internet, and I apologize for that. This stuff is gonna shape who Az becomes and is, though, so I'm going to keep pumping out the poor guy's pain... and exacerbating the situation through creative, complex, and violent means. :roll: :twisted:

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PostPosted: Sun Sep 28, 2008 12:19 am 
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Hehe, a booze story that would make Kai proud.

Azazel wrote:
Az's story just keeps getting darker, though my own is getting brighter. So don't get over concerned- when Az starts to do stuff that he regrets in earnest, you'll understand why I tell you not to be concerned.

Aye, good to know. And good to know things in your life are brightening a bit.

And I am interested to see which path Az turns onto next, because he already is about as low as he can get without acting out his revenge.


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PostPosted: Mon Sep 29, 2008 9:22 am 
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Az,
This last bit in the bar is very good. Reads like an excerpt from any SW novel.

As I am fond of saying 'It ain't SW until someone loses an arm' but getting a reptillian spike through the hand in a bar scuffle is close enough for me.

Most impressive... we shall watch your careear with growing interest.

Fly casual...

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PostPosted: Mon Sep 29, 2008 1:31 pm 
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Heck, it ain't Star Wars if there's no bar fight period!


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PostPosted: Tue Sep 30, 2008 11:23 am 
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General Corran Horn wrote:
Heck, it ain't Star Wars if there's no bar fight period!


I was gonna argue this on principle, but I suppose if you were willing to count Han shooting at Darth over the dinner table as 'bar fight' then you may be right. Heck while we are at it lets not forget the brutal beating we unfortunate viewers took listening to Bea Arthur sing in the Holiday Special.

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PostPosted: Tue Sep 30, 2008 1:43 pm 
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Holiday Special...Star Wars...are you using those in the same sentence?!


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PostPosted: Tue Sep 30, 2008 2:11 pm 
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*Shudder*

I've never watched the Star Wars Holiday Specials.

I will never watch the Star Wars Holiday Specials. At least, I hope I won't. Hand, why I are you moving the mouse toward the "YouTube" button? Stop that, hand! Stop that! :shock:

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"Y'know... if he wasn't a schizophrenic, murderous horned drunkard, I'd think Az needed a cuddle."- Face


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PostPosted: Tue Sep 30, 2008 2:25 pm 
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I have them on my computer if anyone wants me to upload them to my server so they too can have the delight...


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PostPosted: Tue Sep 30, 2008 5:37 pm 
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Remind me to lock my bootleg VHS copy in a safe somewhere so I'm not tempted to ever watch it again for a fourth time...

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PostPosted: Tue Sep 30, 2008 6:55 pm 
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Interesting take on the classic bar fight. Once again, a fun read!

Halley Kadorto wrote:
Remind me to lock my bootleg VHS copy in a safe somewhere so I'm not tempted to ever watch it again for a fourth time...


You mean like the microwave? ;)

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PostPosted: Tue Sep 30, 2008 8:58 pm 
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No, I haven't done anything like what Az has done, don't worry. I've considered it far too heavily for my own good, but I haven't actually done it, and that writing was sort of a catharsis for me in and of itself. It's kind of like, if folks know that I could do it, now I won't... okay, weird, eh?

Anyway, the whole broadside thing is a bit of a tribute to this scene from the show Supernatural which, in addition to supplying Az with his name and eye color, is freaking awesome, and should be viewed by everyone. That's the season one finale, BTW. Drove me nuts waiting for season two, considering how awesome that cliffhanger was.

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PostPosted: Wed Oct 01, 2008 12:26 pm 
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Awesome writing, Az! Very emotive. You pen with the prose of a seasoned Plot writer. I find Az's take on why he did what he did and why he begrudges no one who takes him down well-played.


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PostPosted: Thu Oct 02, 2008 1:48 pm 
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Coly Hucking Frap!

Did that ever take me to a dark place!
I totally got the creeps reading that speeder crash scene.
Never seen 'Supernatural' so I didn't see it coming.
I'd only just recalled who Jon was from earlier when WHAM!
The surprise hit me like a +10 war hammer to the gut.

I feel a bit naueseous.

Whoo!
k'... getting my bearings.
[deep breath] I'm Ok, I'm O...K!

Az one crit. Ya gotta fix the phrase:
'caused shooting pains to shoot'

Ow! Stomach cramp!
Mom always said don't kvetch for a 1/2 hour after a literary injury.

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PostPosted: Fri Oct 10, 2008 3:05 pm 
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All around awesomeness. (I'd comment more in-depth, but I'm at work). Interested to see him later on (still catching up with 16a)

Btw, you haven't seen the Star Wars Holiday Special until you've seen with a Mystery Science Theater 3000 commentary. :mrgreen:


Last edited by Bowman Gavin on Fri Oct 10, 2008 10:19 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Fri Oct 10, 2008 5:10 pm 
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MST3K Star Wars Holiday Special?!?!?!

THAT I must see.


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PostPosted: Sun Nov 09, 2008 6:33 pm 
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Don't worry- there's a method to Az and I's madness. For those of you who couldn't quite understand what's going on: Azazel has developed split personalities. He's torn between Az, the good student he used to be, and Azazel, the focus of all of his rage and grief. His full transition into Azazel is indicated by the darkening of his eyes.

And don't worry- there's an explanation for that, and it has nothing to do with the Force. There's also an explanation for why he suddenly possesses that superhuman strength at times, and again, nothing to do with the Force. I'll delve into a bit more of that in future plots, though not in Of Life and Hyperspace.

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"Now Az has killed someone with his head." - Halley
"Y'know... if he wasn't a schizophrenic, murderous horned drunkard, I'd think Az needed a cuddle."- Face


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PostPosted: Mon Nov 10, 2008 3:32 am 
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OK... now THAT'S an interesting twist!


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PostPosted: Wed Nov 12, 2008 12:23 am 
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Chilling. Az truly is mad. You're getting your character in so deep that it'll be interesting to see how you get him beyond being a sociopathic killer.

And, wow, two stories in a row. You're really being the overachiever. But I guess that's entirely appropriate, considering we're the best two squadrons in the galaxy. More! More!


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PostPosted: Wed Nov 12, 2008 10:58 am 
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I have to say, of the many things I had postulated for the Next Step here, Dark Angel syndrome was not at the top of the list. Nice work, and definitely looking forward to more!

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PostPosted: Wed Nov 12, 2008 4:01 pm 
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Dark Angel Syndrome? I thought that was when you stopped bothering to focus on the plot, and focused more on how to highlight the fact that Jessica Alba is really freaking hot?

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PostPosted: Wed Nov 12, 2008 5:05 pm 
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Wait.

There's a TV show called Dark Angel, isn't there?

Darnit. ><

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PostPosted: Tue Apr 07, 2009 1:13 am 
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Darkly poetic, Az. You said in the Plot reply topic that you didn't think you were up to our level of writing, and while that's probably true when it comes to learning how to interact with all the characters and getting accustomed to our style of plotting, you're entirely on our level when it comes to this deeply contemplative torturous psychological journey stuff. Really draws you in when you read it.


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 10, 2009 2:31 am 
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Y'know... if he wasn't a schizophrenic, murderous horned drunkard, I'd think Az needed a cuddle. ;)

Nice! Dark, but nice!


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 10, 2009 10:15 am 
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Not to worry- we're finally coming out of the dark soon with some more light-hearted stuff. 'Course, Az is still a bit of a jerk, so that'll make things go harder for him, but I intend to introudce some new characters as we come along, as well as to explain just what I meant when Az said that he had "sort of" handled a blaster before, and what the deal is with his drinking problem and his super-duper yellow eyed issues.

Some of the story-telling will sort of be paralleled between plot 16 and this one, thus...

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PostPosted: Tue Apr 28, 2009 11:50 pm 
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I like that type of writing, Az, getting intricately into the history of a place before blasting onto the scene in a flurry of lasers. Good to see you branching out. Very well written.


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PostPosted: Mon Jun 08, 2009 1:27 pm 
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Hehehe, awesomely hilarious latest addition, Az. Great banter, and I like how you made the story almost entirely conversation-based. It's preferable in situations where narrative descriptions really aren't needed and slow the story down.


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