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PostPosted: Tue Apr 06, 2010 2:39 am 
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PostPosted: Tue Apr 06, 2010 2:47 am 
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Excellent plottage, sir! Very well written. Has an SW novel-feel to it. Different. I like it. And look forward to taking part in this story arc.


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PostPosted: Tue Apr 06, 2010 2:58 am 
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Gonna agree with C-Man here. Definatley feels Star Wars! Great intro, looking forward to seeing where this ends up!

Only thing missing was the "cue the pan shot" at the end of the opening crawl! ;)


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PostPosted: Tue Apr 06, 2010 3:02 am 
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And a starship sliding over the top of the frame with a low, ominous rumble.


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PostPosted: Tue Apr 06, 2010 3:06 am 
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Except that X-Wings don't do the whole low, ominous rumble thing very well.


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PostPosted: Tue Apr 06, 2010 8:21 am 
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AHHHH! I hate that I didn't see that the story was up, until five minutes before I have to leave for work! I'll be chomping at the bit all day to get home and read it!!!!!!!!!!!

Looking forward to it!


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PostPosted: Tue Apr 06, 2010 3:29 pm 
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Well, kids, I've read ALL of plot 16 this evening, and 17a.

It was quite a lot! And I'm sad that I didn't get to torture Kai to hell and back at the hands of COMPNOR - it looks like especially Ran had fun with Elassar!!!!!!

I am intrigued to know what happens next, and excited that I can plot again soon, too!

Great work everyone!!

(Although I have to admit, at one point the everything-lifted-exactly-from-True-Lies was very, very lazy writing, Face...)


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PostPosted: Tue Apr 06, 2010 3:32 pm 
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<applauds Mish>


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PostPosted: Tue Apr 06, 2010 5:05 pm 
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Very nice, Gav - sets a good tone and gives us a good starting peak at Brya.

Kudos, and well written! :)

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PostPosted: Tue Apr 06, 2010 9:52 pm 
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Good'un, Gav! I thought the mix of gravity and levity fit the situation well, and you did a good job of painting her changing moods as the scene unfolded. Definitely looking forward to exploring the changes that Plot 17 brings with it, and seeing how Brya interacts with the rest of the crews.

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PostPosted: Tue Apr 06, 2010 11:50 pm 
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Nice work! Looking forward to writing soon!


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 07, 2010 1:09 am 
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Good stuff, Gav and Face. Brya actually acts like someone who's in the military. Professional. But that will inevitably change ;-)

You're doing a good job, Gav, of writing a compelling character who isn't an SW embodiment of yourself.


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 07, 2010 2:25 am 
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Freakin' dang. It's a good thing we ended Plot 16. Just realized that we started writing it close to two years ago, and it's only a quarter the length of Plot 15, which also took us two years. I'm hoping this new director system keeps the ball rolling on this one.


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 07, 2010 5:00 am 
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Actually Corran, I was expecting the older characters to be a bit more military considering our new position! So, Brya will rub off on us more than the other way around!

Loving your recent plot! Feels great, with a nice swooshy feel to the X-Wings movement! Also enjoyed Corran's summation of the 'rebranding' too! Yey for plottage!


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 07, 2010 6:02 am 
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Great intro plots, Gav and Cran! (look, I'm keeping up! I'm keeping up with the plot!)

I liked the bit about 'rebranding' too. Hee! And I also liked, in Gavin's plot, when Face was like person-who-obviously-isn't-a-Wraith because they knocked! Nice touch!


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 07, 2010 9:58 am 
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Ooo... that may provide an interesting plot element later on down the line: one or two high-ups thinking that Ackbar (and whomever is the Head of State these days) is dead and is trying to assume power.

But leaders of the Alliance aren't like that, right? :wink:


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 07, 2010 11:13 am 
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Kreyfey's still alive... right? I sense plot idea! Maybe that can be the main storyline for Plot 18? :-D


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 07, 2010 2:34 pm 
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Off to a great start!

Must...get....back...into....plotting.

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PostPosted: Wed Apr 07, 2010 2:38 pm 
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Yes! If you haven't yet, just read Face's RS Plot announcement to get caught up on what you need to know for Plot 17. And then you're ready.


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 07, 2010 5:08 pm 
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Corran - loved the set up and GH's view on his current rank/the situation! very well written, and nice to hear he got his powers back - look forward to seeing that worked out in tale! :)

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PostPosted: Wed Apr 07, 2010 5:38 pm 
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Gav/Face: Fun to see the first of so many meetings, and like others I especially enjoyed the "obviously not a Wraith" line. ;)

CH: I enjoyed your classic mix of insanity and abrupt solemnity, and how you worked it into both the descriptive and narrative passages.

All in all, fun to see another take on the "re-branding" as CH aptly put it, and thusfar the intro definitely leaves me looking forward to more!

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PostPosted: Thu Apr 08, 2010 12:48 am 
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Thanks, Dru, I always do seem to leap from seriousness to humor in every other sentence.

<points to username> And it's still GH outside the Plot, not CH. <stern, condescending glare> ;-)

Thanks, Red, although I haven't indicated yet if Corran has regained his abilities or not or which ones.

Ahh, good nerd plot, brainy amalgamation of Dru/Red/Gav. I almost understood it. And I liked the inclusion of Corran watching their backs. I enjoy the uniqueness of this little mission. And you're continuing to do a great job rapidly building Brya's character.

Ack, keep wanting to type it "Byra."


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PostPosted: Thu Apr 08, 2010 12:54 am 
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"CH" just doesn't have quite the same ring to it. ;-)


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PostPosted: Thu Apr 08, 2010 2:55 am 
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Wow.

You really captured the desperation of the moment, Face, and the awesome pwning power of the Valour! Great to see our shiny new starship for the first time and in full action! That was awesome! Is it my turn to play with it?

We're pulling off some rapid-fire writing for being in a plot slump for so long. The plotting fervor is back.


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PostPosted: Thu Apr 08, 2010 6:37 am 
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Face - loved the plot's coverage! Very good look at the ranks and Omega Red.

Could one of the moderators bump this one up above the last plot 2 plots (just before GH's) so that it fits in its proper spot? Not critical, just thought it would help for folks still reading through.

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PostPosted: Thu Apr 08, 2010 8:09 am 
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Great job, Face! Love the writing!

And if I've missed commenting on any plots, they've all been superb! They're coming so fast, I lose track of what I've commented on, and what I've thought of commenting on but haven't yet. *G*


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PostPosted: Thu Apr 08, 2010 8:32 am 
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Face: Nice! I'll hop on the bandwagon and agree that I liked the desperate feel of the moment, and particularly how serious Wedge took the Omega Red... I suspect that hurts him to say.

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PostPosted: Thu Apr 08, 2010 10:21 am 
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That magnetic accelerator has a lot of potential... :mrgreen:

Good flashback


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PostPosted: Thu Apr 08, 2010 1:53 pm 
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Hmm, Red, there's no "move post" option in order to do that, but it does look like Face's story is only before yours, so if you wanted to repost it, you could delete the old copy.


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PostPosted: Thu Apr 08, 2010 2:16 pm 
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Stories have successfully been reordered.


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 09, 2010 3:32 am 
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And for any nerd who many point out the technical fault, I know that X-wings have flight sticks, not flight yokes, but Corran modified his many plots ago.


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 09, 2010 3:50 am 
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Wow! Great plot there Corran... Loving the flashback within a flashback! Couldn't help notice that your plot had more Star Wars similes than a Gammorean has chins (no offence Piggy!), but that just made it more fun to read.

Also liked the fact that Corran didn't manage to take on six TIE Fighters and win. Show's that no matter how good Rogues and Wraiths are, even we can't necessarily beat 6/1 odds! And I can't believe Whistler is gone. However, as he's already been mentioned in Plot 17a (in a non-flashback portion) I'm guessing he's safe.... ish.

Looking forward to the next part! So get writin'!


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 09, 2010 6:28 am 
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Very cool, GH - I appreciate that while Wedge hated the timing, he had known all along this was a possibility.

Mud up the nose, and an upside down ejection?...blech. Part made me shudder.

Agreed with Face - cannot wait to see the next part!

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PostPosted: Fri Apr 09, 2010 7:43 am 
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It is disturbing to me that I knew just what you meant by "mud jammed its way into my nostrils." I enjoyed the dogfight, and felt it had a very cinematic flow to it. Easy to picture how it would be playing out! I'll also agree with Red that I liked the Wedge/Corran exchange, and particular the way in which Corran had to help Wedge come to the conclusion he'd known all along.

Looking forward to more!

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PostPosted: Fri Apr 09, 2010 8:16 am 
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Can't really add much to what the others have already said - they've said it all! Great work, and can't wait for the next installment!


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 09, 2010 10:35 am 
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Whistler! Noooooooooooooo! :o


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 09, 2010 2:10 pm 
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Thank ye all :-D Plenty more to come.

And, Dru, now you have me curious.


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PostPosted: Mon Apr 12, 2010 8:37 am 
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Wow, amazing plottage everyone. I don't really have much to add in terms of comments because the previous comments pretty much say it all.

I can't wait to see more and I can't wait to join in on the plottage.
Now, I just need to finish making a character and start writing...


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PostPosted: Mon Apr 12, 2010 2:08 pm 
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Grand Admiral Kaiu’kes?

Ah, I see how this new ranking system works ;-)

Hmm, I was expecting a bit more of a cat fight between Kai and the Sacul. I'm disappointed.

Otherwise, good plottage, Face! Formed almost entirely with dialogue, I noticed.

Hmm, where is the security access microphone located on the Vindicator's core? If someone removed the microphone grill and pressed their helmet visor directly against the audio pickup, wouldn't they be able to speak into it acoustically? Or would it be too muffled?


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PostPosted: Mon Apr 12, 2010 2:10 pm 
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Nice! Good to see some humorous dialog for a bit. Reminds me of old times. ;)

Too, I feel obligated to point out that datapads are valuable bits of kit, and not suited for use as projectile weaponry.

And general, I could answer you, but it'd be long, complicated, and you'd understand every third word. :P

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PostPosted: Mon Apr 12, 2010 2:26 pm 
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Use action figures then, Dru.


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PostPosted: Mon Apr 12, 2010 2:31 pm 
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If I had more time on my hands, I would totally launch on a photoshop adventure and generate an action figure comic wherein Batman is explaining all of this to Optimus Prime.

Anyway, the short answer is that both the microphone and the speaker would need to be enclosed in the same atmospheric suit. You'd need to make a seal around the microphone which, in the field, would be tough to do.

If that was their intent in the first place, they could have brought a magcon field generator that would do exactly that for all the difficulty of pressing a button.

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PostPosted: Mon Apr 12, 2010 2:33 pm 
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the fate of the data-salvage mission has already been decided. Coming soon to a forum near you (after Face's part II)


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PostPosted: Mon Apr 12, 2010 6:54 pm 
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Oh this opens up so many new plot ideas... :mrgreen:


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PostPosted: Mon Apr 12, 2010 8:53 pm 
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Nice, Face, nice! :-D


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PostPosted: Tue Apr 13, 2010 12:51 am 
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I think you just opened Pandora's box.

But at least Kai and Sacul can have a real cat fight now.


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PostPosted: Tue Apr 13, 2010 8:08 am 
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GH, I have one word: Sweet!

Excellent writing!


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PostPosted: Tue Apr 13, 2010 9:16 am 
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Face: As usual, genius. I anticipate that Sacul will be viciously exploiting evildoers -- and Wraiths -- in no time. ;)

GH: Very nice! I liked the way that Corran's "realities" flowed into one another. Once or twice I caught myself skimming back a couple of lines to see if I missed when he shifted from one mode to another.

Now, are we sure that he's not just a really skinny swamp rugget? I mean, stranger things have happened. Just look at Face, his starship is a hot girl. Nothing is certain anymore.

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PostPosted: Tue Apr 13, 2010 12:13 pm 
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Dru Kargin wrote:
Face: As usual, genius...


I would quite happily have that on a headstone. ;)

Corran, I loved your plot. Of course, I'm echoing all the compliments about the wonder segues from reality to memory to false memory. Wonderfully written, as you slide us from one section to the other. There's a definitive boundary as to what reality he's experiencing, but although their a boundary, the crossing from one side to the other is as smooth as silk!

Kudos!

More!


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PostPosted: Tue Apr 13, 2010 12:37 pm 
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Thanks 8-) The story was inspired by the hardest hike I've ever done (and in the dark), long childhood road trips, and a concussion. Although, the boundary between reality and dream is far less distinct with a real concussion. Oddly enough, though, once I had passed into unconsciousness, the dreamworld actually stopped.


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PostPosted: Tue Apr 13, 2010 4:57 pm 
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You're posting plots faster than I can keep up, again. Seriously, you keep telling me to get involved with the plot, then post a trillion plots so I feel intimidated to catch up!

here goes:

Cran: I am intrigued by flashbacks! Everyone knows I am a sucker for them. (Also, the more non-dogfighting I can get, the better! Starfights bore me...)

Face: Ahhh, Grand Admiral status! Renewed! Although less datapad throwing, please. Those things? Not so much padding as their names suggest! (Quit dodging and you'll find out!)

Face(II): ha ha, interesting move with the HRD!

Cran(II!): Oo, stream of consciousness type reverie. Niiiiice work! Dunno if I'd want to go on an LSD-style Force trip, though. Sounds... trippy. !

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PostPosted: Wed Apr 14, 2010 12:22 am 
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Kai wrote:
Although less datapad throwing, please. Those things? Not so much padding as their names suggest!

Haha, nice! That deserves an FBT (c) Kai/Mish/Shira 2000


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PostPosted: Mon Apr 19, 2010 4:48 am 
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Gav wrote:
the fate of the data-salvage mission has already been decided. Coming soon to a forum near you...


Define soon... :-)


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PostPosted: Mon Apr 19, 2010 10:47 am 
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"Soon" was first defined as "as soon as I finish laying the tile in the apartment next door so we can start showing it to potential renters". After that, I caught something (or induced by glue fumes) so now "soon" is defined as "as soon as the room stops spinning and I can stand up without wanting to empty my stomach".

Probably Wednesday by morning.


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 21, 2010 2:12 pm 
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Good plottage, especially for being under the influence of glue fumes, Gav. Your visual descriptions made it easy to picture everything that was going on.


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 21, 2010 2:39 pm 
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Just realised that I have't officially responded!

Like Corran, I enjoyed the visual aspects of it. Not sure if it's what you were aiming for, but I got a very much 2001: Space Odyssey type vertigo feeling at one point! And loved the cliffhanger ending!

Me liking de plot!


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PostPosted: Thu Apr 22, 2010 2:27 pm 
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In response to the group plot, it was terrible.

Horrible.

Putrid.

A waste of the seven minutes and 32 seconds it took for me to read it. I'll never get those back.

But, then again, I did like some parts.

The action was passable, and did convey the intended sense of urgency and desperation.

And I guess the dialogue wasn't too upchuck worthy. I was kind of funny.

Come to think of it, the whole part with Dru's indignation over the questioning of his droid's abilities was sort of hilarious.

Maybe not so bad after all.

In fact, I think it was quite good.

More! More!


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 23, 2010 8:19 am 
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Good stories there, Gav and group!

Would've replied sooner, but I've been extraordinarily busy the past week. JUST got time to sit and read them!

Anyway, this plot is shaping up nicely!


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PostPosted: Fri May 07, 2010 3:47 pm 
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Unexpected plottage! Huzzah!

A great little glimpse at Theran, there, and an interesting bit of mystery you're cooking up. Definitely looking forward to seeing where this new realization takes him!

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PostPosted: Fri May 07, 2010 3:53 pm 
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Awesomeness! Welcome back, Theran! Great bit of plottage there. I liked how you built up gradually to the final realization that Theran is actually Theeran. Look forward to learning more.

Does this story occur before or after our current scavenger mission? Seems like it could easily occur before as a flashback.


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PostPosted: Fri May 07, 2010 7:47 pm 
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Hi everyone, it is good to be back. I got swamped with work and barely turned my computer on for the last few weeks.

As for the time frame, it could be either and i wrote it as such. I was planning on it being more of a flashback but i wanted to leave it open for other authors to contribute to the story if they had ideas and i wasn't available. Also i was trying to setup how Theran would relax, and places he would escape to when overwhelmed.

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PostPosted: Sun May 09, 2010 2:34 pm 
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Interesting twist there! Looking forward to seeing how it goes forward. And I might even take it a little forward myself (since you've opened it up rather nicely for me!)

Personally though, I think it works better as a flashback, literally just before it all went to poodoo with the Empire. Doesn't QUITE seem enough tension to make it post Imperial takeover.

Plus, it allows stuff to have happened by the time we've reached 'present day'. But that's just me!


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PostPosted: Sun May 16, 2010 9:50 am 
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Just catching up on plottage (surely this is why Sundays were made?!)

Theran: Interesting plot, it made me go 'wtf' and 'mmm, interesting' at the same time! Great stuff!

Face/Gav/Red: It seems the redshirt got what I kinda expected would happen to her... Niiiice... And the 'just around the next -- closed door' made me giggle!!

Gav/Face: Ooo, very serious indeed. (Although, somewhat pedantically, the plot was distracted by 'was'. You know, if the thing that 'was' is plural, it should be 'were'. Standards, boys! Just 'cause Tyr isn't around much any more, doesn't mean you can let 'em slip! ;))


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PostPosted: Sun May 16, 2010 7:53 pm 
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Technically both would be correct (was/were)

And since "pair" is singular (as opposed to pairs), "was" is proper. (for American anyway)

Grammar Site wrote:
There is a difference in American and British usage. American is strictly "pair is/was", British English will often have "pair are/were". The same goes for words like team and couple.


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PostPosted: Mon May 17, 2010 3:24 am 
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oh god that's where it's come from then. Insiduous Americanisms.

Still, at least it makes sense now why you see otherwise intelligent people saying 'is' instead of 'are' and 'was' instead of 'were'. Thanks, Gav!


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PostPosted: Mon May 17, 2010 3:32 am 
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We is good with grammar. :mrgreen:


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PostPosted: Tue May 18, 2010 2:01 pm 
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Great stuff, guys! Have really liked the flavor of this plot so far. Fast-moving and fluid. And I like the heavy focus around the new character. Helps us get to know her a lot quicker (more quickly). And I like the feeling of desperation for our characters in the midst of crisis. We're not just wading our way through each fight with ease and confidence.

Alas, expendable crewman Purdy and Djemah, we hardly knew ye. But you had to be sacrificed, because we're just too pretty to die. R.I.P.


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PostPosted: Tue May 18, 2010 2:50 pm 
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FGR: Good one! I enjoyed the pace, and felt the quick scene cuts lent themselves to the hastiness of the whole thing. I got a good chuckle out of the "You can't read my..." "...mind, Kai" exchange, too. ;)

FG: An interesting look into Brya's handling of things. I agree with GH, her character is definitely starting to take shape. :)

GH: I liked the Firefly reference. Oh, wait, now this is a meta-comment. Dangit!

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PostPosted: Wed May 19, 2010 12:58 am 
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Good story, Red and Gav. Too tired to comment more. Zzzzzzzz...


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PostPosted: Wed May 19, 2010 7:05 am 
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Gav and Red: "Koo koo ca choo I am the walrus!" ?


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PostPosted: Fri May 21, 2010 9:18 am 
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I've caught up...again.

Great plottage everyone, I loved that you could really feel the sense of urgency of needing to escape the exploding ship. Also as everyone else has commented it's great to get a grasp of Brya this early in the storyline.

On another note I finally have come up with a character and will probably introduce them after the hyperspace jump and rendevous.


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PostPosted: Fri May 21, 2010 11:25 am 
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I think we're past the hyperspace jump and rendezvous... so go for it! :D


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PostPosted: Fri May 21, 2010 12:11 pm 
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Gav/Red: Awwwkwaaard... at least that's the feeling that came across to me from that exchange, which I'm thinking is what you were going for. Nice one!

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PostPosted: Fri May 21, 2010 1:50 pm 
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Rillao wrote:
On another note I finally have come up with a character and will probably introduce them after the hyperspace jump and rendevous.

Yes!


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PostPosted: Tue May 25, 2010 12:34 am 
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Ahhhh, blackmail material. Priceless. Fun little story there, Red :D


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PostPosted: Tue May 25, 2010 6:42 pm 
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Belated for Gav and Face - short but sweet! Very nice to see that tension developed.

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PostPosted: Tue May 25, 2010 9:29 pm 
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just a short-ish bit. Flashback to follow.

@Red
"Can I tinker with you?"
"No."
"How about when you're not using the body?"
"I'm always using the body."
"How about when you're asleep??"
"NO!"


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PostPosted: Wed May 26, 2010 5:57 am 
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Good little continuation of Brya's mood and current mindset - looking forward to the flashback, Gav.

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PostPosted: Wed May 26, 2010 2:00 pm 
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Brilliant plots Red and Gav! I'm looking forward to when we get this part of the plotline wrapped up so I can figure out what's actually going on and begin to plot again! :) Yey!


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PostPosted: Tue Jun 01, 2010 12:27 am 
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Fun little plot. Where is Sacul in relation to the Valour right now?


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PostPosted: Tue Jun 01, 2010 12:44 am 
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Quote:
The pair was in Face’s office at the rear of the top deck on the Sacul. The Valour hung off in the distance, the two ships floating silently in the middle of interstellar space as the Taskforce licked its wounds.


So the Vindicator has blown, everyone jumped away, and we're now recovering (and presumable going over the downloaded data).


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PostPosted: Sun Jul 04, 2010 12:59 pm 
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Truly an excellent plot there Gav! It's not often that we can pull off decent space battle scenes, but that was a most enjoyable read. Pacing, great; characterisation, great; descriptions, great.

Kudos!


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PostPosted: Mon Jul 05, 2010 8:21 am 
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Short but sweet - nice little flash back to an earlier battle and another glimpse into Brya's past. Very well done. :)

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PostPosted: Mon Jul 05, 2010 12:16 pm 
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Ditto.


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PostPosted: Sun Jul 11, 2010 12:11 pm 
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dun dun dunnnnnnnnnnnn :shock:


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PostPosted: Sun Jul 11, 2010 3:49 pm 
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<sounds the gong>

Ahhhh, just what we needed, Face. Some good plottage and sum things up and move things forward.


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PostPosted: Mon Jul 12, 2010 7:36 am 
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Awesome summary and prep for the transition, Face - Elassar imagery is just about what was expected, sadly. Ick.

On to 17b! (I got my last little bit up for 17a, so I'm ready for some Hutts!)

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PostPosted: Fri Jul 16, 2010 4:48 pm 
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Okay you crazy kids, I go away for a little while and everyone has delusions of gran--no wait. Actually, I go away for a little while and there're 2 plots waiting for me when I come back! :D

Face - nice little plot getting us all caught up and on track again. I like. Also Face showing his lack of cool. Always a good thing?

Red - really like the idea that The Sacul gets excited about helping Red out. (Although I wonder if Red might feel a bit unnecessary if the Sacul is a proficient engineer?! Working on herself!!).

Also loved the small detail about Bantha Hide not being the traditional hide-of-choice on 'civilised' worlds, nice dig from everyone's favourite Tatooine girl!

Also I laughed aloud at the angst that Sacul had over asking to be Red's roomie!!!! Classic!

Also also also (we should not start sentences with connectives, Mish!) - lovely tail end to this part of the plot. Roll on 17b I say!!


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PostPosted: Fri Jul 16, 2010 5:19 pm 
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Red wants Sacul as a roomate? <feels Red's forehead>

And I agree with Mish. Great little summing-up plottage you managed to squeeze right in there at the end.


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PostPosted: Tue Jul 20, 2010 5:30 am 
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Ooops!

Can't believe I didn't respond to Red's plot! I read it on the iPhone whilst travelling, but that's no excuse. :(

I liked how Red was sneakily abiding by Face's orders, yet reinterpreting them for her own benefit. She truely is a Wraith! Also, I like the idea of Sacul being Red's 'roomie', and her reaction to it was "awwww"ingly cute. :)


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PostPosted: Wed Jul 28, 2010 10:45 am 
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Sorry for the lateness!

Face: I enjoyed the droids' messing with Face to get him to rest, and Face's instruction that Red get her wound taken care of properly: they both had a very "ship life" feeling to them, I thought! I also appreciated the various reactions to Elassar's message, and I'm looking forward to see where things get us!

Red: Fun plot! I enjoyed Sacul's awkwardness in asking to room with Red. Should be fun to see where their friendship goes. :)

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PostPosted: Wed Jul 28, 2010 2:38 pm 
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Aye, ship life plots are always fun in between the blood and mayhem.


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